Tips for Building Confidence and Independence
So much of our world today is uncertain and challenging, and as parents we want our kids to have the best start in life, to be confident and able to navigate the complexities of our society.
Much of our role as a parent has a clear focus on providing the basics for our children – warm dry accommodation, good nutrition, exercise, and educational needs. But with so many pitfalls in their daily lives, like the pressures to succeed in school and sports, and online hazards of social media, we should be looking to instill qualities such as confidence, emotional intelligence, and independence, so that we can produce well-rounded, emotionally mature young people who can handle any situation.
In this article we take a brief look, in overview, at effective strategies that can nurture resilience and self-awareness with empathy to cope with all the challenges of modern life.
Emotional Resilience Explained
Emotional Resilience is the term used to describe the ability to handle stress and adversity, able to bounce back from disappointments, not shy away from a challenge, and maintain mental well being.
Socialisation is also a key factor in learning to build healthy relationships with peers while fostering understanding and compassion.
Nurturing Resilience
The first, and probably most important point to note is that we have to demonstrate resilience ourselves as parents. Often kids may seem to be in their own little world, but in fact they take notice of everything we do and say, and take learning from it. They watch our behaviour in difficult situations within the family and even outside, and note if we conduct ourselves with maturity and grace in the face of adversity.
How we deal with the minor disagreements that characterise every family, or with other adults in the outside world, our children will see and learn from our actions and attitudes. Whether celebrating a win or consoling a failure, we should always discuss the learning opportunities with a positive mindset.
Developing Problem-Solving Skills
We often fall into the trap of immediately giving solutions to our kids’ problems, with the best of intentions. We want to pass on the lessons we learned to give the kids a smooth ride. However an effective way of nurturing resilience is to encourage the kids to find their own solutions before we step in.
We can provide guidance and support, and teach them to brainstorm through puzzles, and let them come to their own conclusions. This develops confidence and feelings of success, and a knowledge that they can solve all but the most complex issues.
Helping to develop critical thinking is key. When your child comes to you with a problem, instead of offering a solution you can ask questions, like “How do you think you could resolve this?”, “What tools or information do you need to solve the problem?”, and “ How would you feel if you were being treated like this?”.
These sort of discussions develop self-awareness. Young minds are constantly growing and learning, and this type of critical thinking empowers them to make independent decisions based on well thought out scenarios.
Developing Empathy
Empathy, the ability to understand and share how others are feeling, is crucial in building emotional resilience.
This fosters connectivity with others and builds relationships. One way to develop this is through storytelling. It can be by reading books together, or watching decent family movies, or just talking through personal experiences.
Again, the techniques of critical thinking are useful, asking questions like “What do you think the character in the story is feeling?” and “How would you feel in that situation”,
By “walking a mile in another’s shoes”, children can learn to understand different behaviours and appreciate varied circumstances.
Developing Self-Awareness
Self-awareness is the ability to recognise our own emotional states, and understand their impact on our behaviour and on those around us. We see examples around us every day of people who lack self-awareness, and the disruption and societal difficulties that result.
We can develop this in our children by prompting them to self-reflect and identify their feelings. We can help them to articulate how they are feeling by asking questions like “What do you think makes you feel this way?”. Many people’s emotional responses are triggered by certain everyday situations, and we can help our children to spot these triggers, and how to deal with them in a mature and calm manner without becoming over-emotional.
It helps if we can teach our kids to express emotions in a constructive way, like keeping a diary where they can enter their thoughts and feelings.
Developing Coping Mechanisms
Coping with life’s challenges is an essential skill for us all, especially our children. Life invariably follows “Murphy’s Law”, which states that everything that can go wrong, will go wrong. The secret is how we deal with it.
One of the hardest lessons for a parent to learn is to view situations without judgement or blame. When children make a mistake they usually know they are wrong, and they need you to show them how to handle it without making the situation worse.
Create an atmosphere where kids feel supported, and safe to discuss their feelings, and not be scared of recriminations. Setting boundaries is important, but more important is the ability to acknowledge the problems and deal with them openly.
Even young children can learn to control their emotions, with techniques like deep breathing exercise and meditation, or physical activities like simple sports, time out in a play area, or just a walk accompanied by a parent or older sibling.
Developing Independence
With learning emotional resilience comes confidence, learning to trust their judgement and make independent choices, but still get support when needed.
Small things, like allowing them to choose what to wear or create their own homework plans, will soon grow into bigger responsibilities.
Let them choose what hobbies or sports they want to take part in, and support them all the way.
Conclusion
The greatest gift you can give your children is patience – yours and theirs. Nothing happens overnight and developing emotionally confident children is a journey where every step can be celebrated and setbacks can be discussed and dealt with.
When children grow up with the abilities of emotional resilience, self awareness, and empathy they start off with the best chance of a happy and successful life ahead.